Inconsistent

I have something to confess: i am inconsistent. now perhaps this is not the venue in which to confess our deepest, darkest character flaws but it is true...I am inconsistent.

I am sometimes disgusted with how much advice I just throw out there, as if there are a whole bunch of answers to things in life, as if everything is straight forward and clear when I myself spend much of my life confused and unsure.

I guess the things I might say as advice are useful things, good thing to consider, probably good ideas, but I hate that i pretend that there are a bunch of answers. People probably need to be reminded to pray about stuff or seek God's face or read the bible. these are all good things. But....sometimes it doesn't feel like prayer is doing anything, sometimes (or perhaps a lot of the time) the bible seems unclear and confusing, and this God that I love can seem so far away or unreachable. And I know these things, I have experienced them myself, i am experiencing some of that right now. But I forget those feelings and switch into advice mode.

I wish I could just sit in the moment with people and not say anything. And I wish my natural instinct was to know that sometimes the best thing to do for people is just to be there with them, in the moment and that there doesn't have to be a bunch of advice given or something said. Perhaps it stems back to my dislike of lulls in the conversation (something i think I am getting better with.)

But I always end up saying something that I regret later because I feel as though I have tried to gloss over their problem, make it seem less important than it really is. But that is not my intention. And I often leave conversations with people feeling like I have misrepresented myself in some way because I wanted to make them feel better, i wanted them to be okay. I wanted to hug then and tell them everything is going to be okay and for it to be okay.
I wish I could harness this desire I have to make things right into a positive thing but recently it feels like it is coming out all wrong, all over the place.

maybe most of the problem stems from my inability to communicate well in my native tongue as well. that feeling that someone just hasn't understood your intention or what you were saying is frustrating as well. oh dear.
but to those who have been aware of this inconsistency in my own life....don't worry...change is ever near. or i hope it is near.

To my dearest Phillip

My sister has a penguin and his name is Phillip and since it is her birthday I guess it might be safe to say it is his birthday today. yes, February 24th marks the day of another lovely person in my life and also marks the day for some new and exciting information. But first the birthday.
Beanie is a nice little sister although she calls me her little sister. She is bigger than me I guess and tougher but also very soft and chewy on the inside :) Just like a caramilk bar. And how claire gets the sweet and carmel-y stuff inside her is a mystery to us all.
She has a southern accent. she is a severe hotty. (see strongbad for this one) Claire also has the privilege of living in the same state as the once famous but never forgotten Davey Crockett. He was born on a mountaintop, Claire was born in a hospital, so they are not very much alike. But if Claire was pitted against a Tennessee bar (we call them bears up here) it would be a pretty good fight.
now the reality is that she probably won't even read this blog but it's out there for her to read if she does. but bean, i love you and happy birthday. come home to us soon, and stay canadian.

The other exciting news is that dear friends of mine have now allowed us to start telling people that they are going to have a kid. I have known for a month or more now but have not been able to tell people, so I will not reveal their names. first person to guess who it is will get a lovely hug the next time I see them. So....any takers?
I am still disappointed that no one has attempted to list all the songs that I have quoted on my blog. Do i have to promise the prize of a hot date with me or something? i have not offered that yet, just in case someone was going to hold me to that. Maybe i will have to. Or perhaps I will hold a contest of who can plan the most romantic date and whoever wins will be allowed to take me on that date. My parents friend held a contest where he asked a bunch of girls to make his pies and the best cook got to go on a date with him. How awesome is that. They ended up getting married by the way.

This is a horribly unconnected blog and this will be the last thing. But speaking of romantic type things, I have found the new romantic place to go in Edmonton. There is a new subdivision called Summerside and it has this whole beach front with docks and lights around the lake and sand and everything. I figure it must be the most romantic place to go and be in the summer, it was even nice in the winter for skating and such. So...there you go. keep it in mind for those of you that are looking for romantic date spots. it gains the Bennett stamp of approval.

I am sitting here feeling pretty down and defeated at our loss of Olmypic Hockey greatness. I'm sure you know how i feel so no need to blog very long about it but I am feeling really let down. And I'm not even a really big hockey fan, i can't imagine what some of you out there feel like.
But, anyway, I was sitting here in the computer lab and a gr.11 student asked me how my day was and I confessed my sadness over the hockey game.
He thought about it for a while and then turned back and said with a very serious expression, "You know Ms. Bennett I am currently working on a time machine and you could use it to go back in time and I will pay for your airfare to Italy and then you could figure out someway to enhance their chances of winning."
I smiled and laughed a little and said, "Well Thanks"
And then he turned back and said,
"But it isn't pattened yet so I will have to do a few test runs before I hand it over to you. Hope that's okay."
I assured him that was okay and had to laugh at his matter of factness in the whole conversation. As if this was the obvious solution to my dashed olympic hopes. Good old kids, they're not so bad after all.

Celebrate, Celebrate, Dance to the Music!

I wrote another blog but I don't think i have the courage to post it yet. Not sure I'm ready for the super personal blog yet. So instead will you all rejoice with me in two new and hip happenings.

Today is the 22nd of February and is the birthday of one of my dearest friends and almost my oldest friend Jonathan Fairbridge. Now Jon-bon might think that he is old but seriously this guy is hip. He has cool clothes, cool stories about the world that he has traveled and he tans like no one else i know. Of course, tanning isn't on everyone's minds in February I recognize that...but just wait. You should catch us in the summer hanging out sometime, it's pretty much ridiculous. I look like a white washed building next to a beautiful ebony door. okay, that's my construction analogy for you all. And obviously it's rather weak sauce because I'm not a carpenter. But jonathan you are very lovely and don't worry you are not old. every year we grow older you become more like a good bottle of wine :) hopefully we will have the chance to eat or make some expensive chocolate (like the Swiss hockey players) or go to the Italian supermarket downtown. Or watch Prince Ali of the streets outside on a big screen.

And the other hip happening is that my good old friend Erin is engaged. Super crazy and exciting all at the same time. It's one of those times when it's this bit of information where you think about it and it's exciting and then you think about it again and it almost blows your mind. Another one of the old crew is getting married and I couldn't be happier. I look forward to getting to know this Jordan fellow. And look forward to getting to see another one of my friends dive into this exciting next step in life. So Erin if you read this.....all i have to say is "Wheeeeeeeee!" and...you're hot.

okay that's it for today. more exciting news to come.
p.s.you know, i have realized that almost all of the titles for my blogs come from movie quotes or songs. not all of them, but a lot. Anyone know all of them?

p.p.s : one day i am going to post a blog where i accept all the spelling changes they suggest because some of their suggestions are very funny. but this is enough for today.

Vulcan or Bust!

A diminutive grain elevator: 13:00 hours


Point of Arrival: 13:30 hours






Josh rethinks a career in engineering. Wondering if he has missed his calling as a Space Doctor



Laughter turns to tears when the Tourist information center is found to be closed: 13:45 hours



But hey...I got a pair of vulcan ears out of the trip!



Next ship scheduled to Vulcan: June 9-11, 2006 for the Star Trek Covention. Let me know if you want to sign up.

I'm gettin' another hole in my head Mama

well it's that time of year again....piercing time. i have wanted to get another piercing for some time now, probably five years. And I am thinking that there is no time like the present. i have my own ideas of what I might get but I would like to ask your opinion. What kind of piercing do you think I should get? i will post with my own thoughts in a little bit, but first....let's hear from our audience.
thanks

(This post was brought to you by the letter L and the number 23. it was written infront of a live blogging audience.)

A Motorized Sanctuary

Yesterday I needed a “moment”. You know when you need a “moment”. I needed to just stop for a second when I was driving home from work before I delved into the next insanity. So I went and bought a Wunderbar and parked my little car in an empty school parking lot and just sat there. There was no music, there were no questions to answer or decisions to be made. I had a chocolate bar with God effectively.
And I realized how thankful I am for my car. Maybe that sounds lame but it’s true.

As I sat there in the quiet, I realized that my car has sort of been a sanctuary for me. I spend the most time with God in my car. I have cried in there and I have laughed. I have had the privilege to transport many lovely people in my passenger seat. Every Tuesday in the Tercel, I get an NHL update or the latest movie reviews from my growth group boys. I like thinking about all the late night conversations I have had with people in this car or other cars passed. You know...when you lie your seat down, put your feet on the dash and just talk. I love how the "four walls" rule applies in a car, that sanctity of those things shared in a late night talk or on a road trip.

I love my little Tercel. It runs well and is good on gas and it has a good heater. It could probably use a better sound system, but alas….one cannot have everything. If it had a good sound system I might just live in there.
I think that driving on a nice spring day, with the window rolled down, a good song on the radio and a slurpee or drink in hand is all I need in life. How simplistic is that. Maybe I would add in a nice friend to the share the moment with occasionally, but doing it alone is equally appealing.

But most importantly it provides me with a moment to be alone. Life is too busy sometimes, it races away, there are always e-mails or phone calls to return, things to be done or started. But there is time to pray when I drive, to shout loud or cry because of frustration, to be honest about how things really are, to talk them out, to laugh at the hilarity of a situation that I could not laugh about at the time. Or to simply enjoy the world around me and to meet with God. And strangely enough I feel like myself in my car. Only in my car would I feel the freedom to scream at the top of my lungs when the car is really cold when I get in or for whatever reason I feel.

I think my car also has that sense of freedom associated with it. I can go wherever I want in my car, at any time....I can just go. I need to do that more often. It will be fun to do that this weekend.

Maybe eventually I will have the privilege of living out of the city a bit (not too far) and I won’t necessarily need my car. But I like my little car. We have shared many memories over the past six months. I have driven 8000 km since I got the car in September and the end of February will mark my sixth month anniversary.

So here's to my car. The Silver Bullet. I took my car to get it washed yesterday and although it didn't say anything about it, I think deep down inside it really liked it. We have the sort of relationship in which the car doesn't even have to say anything, I just get it. you know? :)

I Just Made You Say Underwear

I don't know how the following rant is going to go...it is potentially awkward and I have a history of saying awkward things. So I will try and keep it nice and not awkward.

I am wondering if someone could please tell me how our society got to the point where it's cool to show your underwear. This has been a frustration of mine for a while and now I have a place where I can vent about it. It's a hard topic to bring up in conversation you know?

Person A: Man, I'm really stressed. I have all these midterms and stuff.
Lisa: Yeah that sucks. Speaking of people showing their underwear......

From the example conversation I'm sure you can see why I don't get to talk about this very often.

Anyway, I think one of the silliest things that I see are the girls that wear sweat pants and then roll the waist band down two or three times so that their hot pink underwear is showing. You're not supposed to try and look sexy in sweat pants. They're sweat pants for goodness sake! I mean I can understand rolling it down once, so you don't have that elastic digging in to your sides...but seriously. three times? And then they walk around in their extra short jackets. Don't get me started on winter jackets that only go to the bottom of your rib cage. I mean why not have a pair of gloves that only cover half your fingers. Oh sure, now you're going to try and tell me that people wear fingerless gloves and expect me to believe you. But I guess it comes back to the age old question: how do you like your mid-drifts? i like mine modest and unfrozen thank you very much.

I believe that me and my underwear have a very special relationship. It's a personal, undisclosed, and intimate relationship. And the sanctity of that relationship needs to be protected, not shared with others. but seriously, i'm tired of seeing people's underwear (girls and guys) hanging out of their pants or purposefully being shown. how did we get to this point?!?!?!

I'm not saying we should return to some Victorian-Esque method of dressing and i'm not saying i would like to return to the hiked up, awkward pants that some mothers like to wear (Lord love 'em) . I am merely asking that you keep your underwear hidden. For the good of those around you. I don't want to see it.

I don't want to see it here, I don't want to it there. I don't want to see it anywhere.

Sabbathing

For past eight months or so I have been thinking about the idea of taking a Sabbath. I tend to lead a crazy life which often feels like a self-perpetuating thing that I try desperately to keep up with.

Take yesterday for example: I was racing home from school to pick something up before my next class and some advertisement for Valentine's Day came up on the radio and I thought to myself "Valentine's Day...isn't it a little early for that. And then I realized that it was actually February, the second week of February and I had somehow missed the last three weeks of life. It's horrible to realize that you still haven't done that thing or visited that person that you planned to visit.

I was talking with Josh a few weeks ago now and I said that there were all these things I wanted to start doing and how I needed to start taking a Sabbath but I hadn't done it yet. His advice, "Well you should do it Lisa."
And last week I did. I did some "sabbathing". I took a little time away to King's Fold Retreat Center. It was a lovely experience. (the picture if the view from the dining room.)

I did not have a huge spiritual revelation or completely sort out my life but it was good to go and spend time with God in the beautiful mountain scenary. I wanted to have some big prayer session or something but when I got there I felt like I could just walk through the valley there and just be with God. I rarely take the time to just be with him.

Strange that I don't take the time to be with God because I love just being with people. I used to think that maybe I was boring because of this. I used to think that I had no personality because I wanted to just do whatever or hang out. But I think the reality is that I am not boring, I just like to be. I like it when time can stop, where my mind isn't racing and where I can just be in the moment with people. There's are few things I love more than eating a tasty meal and talking for hours with those at the table.

And so perhaps part of Sabbathing is taking the time to just be with God. I wish I could explain this in some concrete way but I can't think of any other way to explain it. I don't want to talk in some strange Christianese manner. But I felt God's presence in a new way when I was at King's Fold. I felt as though he approved of me or was even pleased with me. That he had no agenda or expectation for things that needed to be fixed in my life but that he was just happy to watch me walk through his nature and experience his beauty and love in the peacefulness of the mountains. As if he could find pleasure in me when I was not doing anything productive but sitting by a fire and reading. What a strange and magical thought.

525 miles 600 minutes

I found myself in the middle of a fantastic moment the other night. I went on a little road trip over the past few days and last night I was headed home from Calgary with my lovely cousin. The sky was clear and the stars were out. With the the QE2 in front of us and Calgary behind us, we belted out Tim McGraw, The Darkness, Rascal Flatts, and Journey (twice). That's right, we were listening to the classics. It felt so good to sing at the top of our lungs as we drove through the darkness. I still want to go on a longer trip but that was very fun.
I have recently started a little trend in my car where passengers have to don certain articles of clothing while in my vehicle. so to top off our great music/road trip adventure...brian did the whole thing with the rambo head band on, placing the knot in the front and looking like he was straight out of an old school rap group. werd! thanks for the fun trip cousin.

and without further ado.....

Reasons I'm Glad I Wear Glasses/ Have Poor Eyesight:
5. If there is a war there is a good chance I would NOT be conscripted due to my poor eyesight. So, I can be happy to stay at home and work in the factories and then children in Social Studies classes will spend half of their time learning about what I did on the home front rather than all the battles that took place during the war. haha! suckas.

4. Your apparent IQ increases at least 15 points when you put glasses on. And apparent IQ is the most important type. It also gives your argument much more weight if you remove your glasses while making your point and thoughtfully rest the arm in your teeth. That really gets people.

3. Only people with glasses get to experience the sheer excitement of traveling 120 km/hour in their car and removing one pair of glasses to put on your prescription sunglasses. there's nothing quite like driving completely blind for a few seconds.

2. People who have glasses never get punched in the face. I have glasses and have never been punched in the face....I rest my case. (dave says that's an inductive claim based on a single iteration)

1. I have the ability to remove my glasses in a swimming pool change room. Let me tell you, I have never been more thankful for bad eyesight then in a change room. Ignorance is bliss they say. Sweet, sweet bliss.

Lights and Perfections

(Pre-Script: Urim and Thummin translate as Lights and Perfections)

Decisions area beastly things. I find them hard to make.

I said in my last blog that I'm not an impulse buyer. I have a theory that the manner in which people shop is a reflection of their decision making personality in the rest of life, especially in relationships. I will think about things for a long time, and sometimes buy them, return them and then buy them again...if it's still there when i go back. I keep receipts for a long time just in case something goes wrong. I am cautious and not impulsive. Somewhere I began to question my own judgment, not really sure why but I like to be able to talk through things with someone, have a sounding board.

I made my decision from the other day. I decided to stay on for another five months at my school. maybe it doesn't seem like a big decision to other people but it was for me. i felt exhausted after making that decision by myself. I felt pretty uneasy after I said I would stay but i think i'm okay with it now. maybe it was partially the coffee i drank. it does weird things to me.

I think I always figure that the hardest thing is the right decision. That whatever might be the most difficult is always the right thing. But here's a question: what if it isn't? There are times when I have chosen the harder side of things and still don't know if it was the right thing to do. I mean I'm still alive and kicking but no real answer either way. And then times when I wish I had had enough guts to make the hard decision instead of wallowing in indecisiveness for so long.

Maybe the reality is this. Maybe there are very few bad decisions. I mean if something isn't God honoring or is destructive to yourself or another human being than it is probably a bad decision. But beyond that, maybe there are very few wrong decisions. I don't know. I hope big decisions I have made in the past were okay. I can't go back and fix them now, fortunately or unfortunately. God can work in any moment and in anything, so now I guess I ask him where we go from here. Ask him to keep my eyes open for the evidence of him on this next little path.

I think one bit of resolution that I have from thinking about decisions and decision making, is that I have to trust that if I made the wrong decision or made a bad move even though I prayed about it and such, that God is big enough to take care of it and to fix it, if it needs to be fixed. I have a hard time trusting that, but I have to believe in that. He is big enough.