I'm writing a paper on the theology of suffering and taking a course where suffering comes up a lot.  So it's on my mind.  This is the quote I will share with you. It makes me wonder at what price come the music and literature I enjoy.   I know this quote is a bit heavy but I also think it is beautiful - in a sad way.

"What is a Poet?  A poet is unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so strangely formed that when the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful music. His fate is like that of the unfortunate victims whom the tryant Phalais imprisoned in a brazen bull and slowly tortured over a steady fire: their cries could not reach the tyrant's ears so as to strike terror into his heart. When they reached his ears they sounded like sweet music. And men crowd about the poet and say to him: "Sing for us soon again"; that is as much as to say: "May new sufferings torment your soul, but may your lips be formed as before; the cries would only frighten us, but the music is delicious." And the critics come too and say: "Quite correct, and so it ought to be according to the rules of aesthetics." Now it is understood that a critic resembles a poet to a hair; he only lacks the suffering in his heart and the music upon his lips." 
Kierkegaard

Confessions of an money-saver

I have been thinking a lot about money and me these days.  you see I have been anti-money for most of my life or should I say "anti-wealth".  I never wanted to be in a place where money was something I was seeking or controlled by and I never wanted money to be the most important thing to me.  So I sought to live a life of frugality.
I have always been careful with my money.  I would never spend money on something frivolous.  I would rarely ever go out for dinner; I frequented cheap movie theatre and almost never paid full price for a movie. Clothes that I bought were always second hand and if not they were definitely on sale. I remember the first time I spent $20 on a pair of jeans - I felt like I was becoming materialistic.
I often find myself wondering "can i get a better deal?" or "what else could I do with that amount of money?" .  The other day I went to buy a Hot Chocolate from Starbucks and after pondering the purchase I decided to buy 2 liters of juice instead because it would last longer and was cheaper.  And if I buy more than $20 on myself I get real buyers remorse because I'm just never sure if I spent my money wisely.  By trying to not care about money I have actually started to value it too much because I'm concerned about wasting it.

I was thinking about taking art lessons today and the first thing out of my mouth was, "Well, it's probably too much money."  But maybe, just maybe, art lessons might be a really good thing for my soul that has been a bit displaced since moving, maybe I would find it really freeing to paint and watch the world around me, and I might even just get a kick out of mixing colors and creating.  So maybe money should be only part of decisions and not the deciding factor.  Taking art lessons could actually be an investment.   I could think about using money to expand my horizons and invest in life.   Maybe I'll start small with a fruit smoothie at Starbucks (i've never tried one before) or try the Thai restaurant near our house - the possibilities are endless!