Ramblings: with a hint of honesty

The blogging world definitely seems to slow down in the summer. Like molasses on a -40'C day. But I guess that means that people are out in the sun and enjoying life rather than sitting at work or in some computer lab desperately trying to find some humour or thoughtfulness in life. I'm not really sure why, but I'm guessing that it's just because it's summer.

I won't be contributing much myself this summer because I'm off to camp again. 12 hour drive tomorrow but thanks to dave hengen I will have a sweet mix CD, specifically for driving through the mountains. So that is exciting. i also have four trans-canada music day CD's and I promise that mine will be sent tomorrow before I leave guys. Sorry I've been so slow on this.

I'm actually looking forward to the long drive. I used to drive a whole bunch last year, like being away two weekends out of every month. And I got to liking it. I got to enjoy the time alone, the time to think, the time to scream at the top of my lungs or to pray or to just not say anything.  I'm sure I will be an overly friendly customer at some gas station seven hours into the trip, desperate for someone to talk to but I'm looking forward to a chance to sort through things in my mind, see some beautiful countryside and just be with me.

Before I left for my first camp I had this epiphany that I hadn't been alone (other than when i was sleeping) for almost 3 months. And in all reality it's nearly impossible to be alone in my house or in my world. There are still people in this house when I am sleeping and living in a city you are always near someone. It's almost claustrophobic inducing if you think about it too long. And so a little time alone before I embark on my next adventure will be nice.

I'm feeling weird about going, in an open and honest blog confession. I'm not worried about how much work to do or if I will be able to do the work, but I am worried about fitting in. Isn't that ridiculous. I haven't worried about fitting in in a long time. I think I have always pictured Young Life people being super hip and awesome, with the coolest clothes and piercing and haircuts and look you know? I'm not quite like that because I really don't have any idea how to look pretty cool. While others in jr.high were figuring out how to dress....I was trying to make sure that no one could categorize me by my clothes. I didn't want to be a punk or skater or prep or jock or whatever, and so I wore weird clothes, ones that no one else would wear. And thus....in my attempt for independence.....I missed out on the "how to be cool" lessons that were being given out on weekends and such, and I missed out on the every important "how to do makeup" lessons that were given out on weekend nights. Hanging out with a bunch of boys didn't help much.

Anyway, i know that it doesn't matter if I fit in and perhaps this will be my chance to be an outsider again and remember what that feels like. and perhaps it will be good chance to bring in some other people on the outside. And I need to remember that I'm going to camp to work not to be super cool. But alas...it still sits in my brain.
And for the most part I'm okay with not being the super, hippest person I know. And it's awful of me to think that these people will be weird or exclusive. I'm sure they're great people looking to have a lot of fun. I just wish I knew some of them before I went because I don't even have Young Life as a common thing with them.

BUT....good news....i'm bringing my Death Cab Hoodie. And if they don't like Death Cab...well then...I don't want anything to do with them. Oh Death Cab....don't fail me now.

okay, no more insecurities. off to be bold and courageous. be well my 2 readers (as jon fairbridge once said about my blog) and i look forward to seeing how this turns out.

shalom

WTF (what time friend)

I was driving home last night and happened to see a sign for a church. It had the regular verse or pun-ny comment and then at the bottom it said, "We Worship at 11:00".

And I thought to myself, what a ridiculous thing to say. We worship at 11:00. I get annoyed that people ignore what Worship really means. It's not just a thing we do when we are singing or a thing we do only at 11:00 on Sunday mornings. It is an ongoing thing. An everyday, 24/7 thing. It's giving God the glory in everything we do. It's our expression of love for him.

I am often frustrated by my own way of speaking and others way of speaking, saying that I am part of a worship band, or....a Praise and Worship hour. Or that we need to be singing to be worshiping, or worshiping happens at a certain hour. Worship is supposed to happen everywhere and it is in singing for sure, it is also in giving money to people, in using our talents in every day life, for being people of integrity and living by God's laws, it is in walking old ladies across the street, in reading our bibles, in sitting in a field letting the sun warm us and enjoying the breeze on our faces and just being outside, it is in being thankful and sooo....it's not just an 11:00 thing.

We worship at 11:00. What time do you worship at? Oh you know I prefer the time between 2:43 and 2:56. I really feel God is the most powerful at that time.

NO...it should say "we continue our worship together at 11:00", or "we meet at 11:00 to get together and enjoy each other's company", or "there will be people at our church at 11:00 if you want to drop by".

I have a fascination with Jewish culture and people. I want to be Jewish. I admire that their interaction with God is not compartmentalized, it is in everything they do. It is in how they dress, how they eat, how the build their houses, how they raise their children, how the live life. And I dislike how in Christian circles, my own life included, we compartmentalize God. You know? We spend quiet time with God in the morning and that is our time to think about him, and then we don't' think about him the rest of the day. Or we meet God on a Sunday sitting in pews and that's it, we don't meet him anywhere else. I want my relationship with God to be in and through everything i do. Not just leaving worship until 11:00 every week but rather this every day, living and breathing thing. So that when I get to church at 11:00 it is only a continuation of something that has already been going on during the week.

I'm sorry to all those that make church signs but sometimes they just really urch (erk) me. This is probably is for now. off to princeton. maybe i'll find sometime while i'm there or sometime once more before I leave to write something. Until then keep it real.