smells, sights, sounds, touch, taste...they can all do it to you. they can transport you back in time to another place or even to when you were another person. it's strange how easily that can happen. one moment you are in the present, the next you see a picture or smell something and suddenly you are back in gr.7 feeling all awkward and insecure or perhaps back just a few years ago in the summer of 2002 and for that split second everything is different, everything is how it was then. it can be overwhelming.
it's so involuntary that i almost feel taken advantage of by my senses. annoyed that they did not warn me they were going to transport me back deep into my memory, back to things i had forgotten.
There are crisp May mornings that make me feel like I'm in elementary and should be walking to school.
The smell of sweaty horses and musty barns makes me think of my rodeo days with my dad before I was five. i love that smell.
A perfume worn by the girl i stayed with in France. it reminds me of speeding around Toulon, France on a scooter well past midnight with her perfume filling my sense as I held on to her with all my might. Or even just a cologne of someone I once knew.
There are pictures that are suprising to see because i had forgotten how that person looked or how they smiled and then memories literally flood my brain.
The smell of lilacs makes me feel like i'm in gr.12 again. taking a walk around the neighbourhood with my friend Dan during our spare.
now i have given you the nice ones but there are also some that aren't so nice, ones that make me feel so vulnerable again, that make my heart sink because i have tried so hard to forget that thing that happened, the way i felt at that point etc. etc. these memories still have the ability to remember how much that situation hurt so deep inside and sometimes i let the thoughts do their thing and dance around in my head and conjure up images long gone and moments in the deepest part of my brain. and sometimes i try so desperately to put them from my head and bottle them up with the hope that the lid will not come off again.
the happy memories that I have make me smile involuntarily and laugh in my head at the funniness of the situation, or how much i dearly love that person or thing i used to do. or ones that can make me feel invigorated and alive. i am thankful for those. but after my most recent experience has left my subdued and sad inside. and to those ones i say this:
Dear Memory,
Please leave me alone, i don't want you anymore.
2 comments:
the problem with putting the lid back on the bottle is that the bottle remains full of it`s contents. They don`t go away they just stay there waiting to be opened. if you take the lid off for a while, you can empty out the contents and then refill the bottle with new, better things...
some thoughts.
.m.
- q
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