what were you doing last may?

First things first:
thank you to all who responded to my blog question. I appreciate you revealing your identity. i know that some of you are still out there but never left an anonymous post, but that's okay. your secret is safe with me.

Okay so it is time for a new blog. something pithy, something worth saying.

the skies have brought rain to edmonton as of recent. the world is transforming itself, declaring it's new self in a beautiful electric green, the first colors of spring. it amazing how the world can look dry and brown for quite a long time and then all of a sudden you realize that there are leaves on the trees and flowers growing in the gardens and spring has come.

this rain has made me want to be in England, amongst the quirky british folk and their lush green land. i was in england a year ago now. it is strange to think about what life was like this time last year, and strange to think that it doesn't feel that long ago and yet so much has happened. I feel as though I am quite a different person from last year in May. I have gained some valuable life experience, learned some important lessons, gained more of God's peace inside and I have a few more scars to show.

my ideas about life are different then they were then. i am not worried about the same things i was worried about then. i think i actually worry less. i am somewhat concerned as to where i will be in the fall but i have come to realize that nothing is certain and that what I need to be doing is being faithful with whatever i have in front of me now. i need to be faithful with the minds i shape as a teacher or with the trust that some of these broken kids have bestowed on me and so on and so forth. and i have learned that the moment i need to take a hold of is now. that i cannot stop myself from loving people or letting them know i care about them, hoping to do so at somepoint in the future. I have right now with them and that is all that i am certain of.

as i look back at this past year it seems to be easily mapped out like the cycle of seasons. moments of beautiful summer, dark winter and a spring. and that this abundant life God offers us means that we should celebrate more and mourn more and experience life in it's entirety. i often want to migrate south to avoid life's winter. but this year I have learned that only by surviving the winter can you hope to see the spring. i have learned more about being able to struggle through the pain and not avoid it, that life is not about shoulds and should nots but about living. that the great thing about Christianity is being able to stare pain right in the face and say "I know there is more than this." and that it is not about fixing one another but about helping each other accept wherever ever they're at, about giving people room to change and grow and allowing myself to do that same.