I'll take my humble pie with a cherry on top

I have been thinking about integrity recently, actually a lot. I think it probably has to do with being a teacher and talking about these significant subjects with my students on a regular basis. I had a conflict with a student this week that spread itself over three days, and although I believe that I conducted myself well in the situation I can shake the feeling that this conflict we have might sit deeply in her brain of how Christians act. Could I have shown more compassion? Did my pride get in the way of the discussion in some ways? If Jesus had had a student physically challenge him how would he have reacted?

I want to be a person of integrity, who lives out this Jesus thing in real life, who is consistent and an upright human being. I mean I’m okay with being real, and letting them know I mess up but when you deal with discipline in the classroom, or are confronted by a student it’s easy to loose your cool, to demand your rights as a human being. And it’s hard to be compassionate, to love, to be gracious. It’s hard to look at them and think “Man, you come from such a broken home…no wonder you act like this. No wonder you think people are always out to get you.” But sometimes I am not good at it but I want to be. Even if a student and I disagree I want to be able to still walk out of it thinking that I acted like Jesus would, acted in accordance with my faith.

But I guess I am human and bound to mess up, sometimes I just wish I could give these kids the most amazing example so that they would want to really live this Christian thing, that they would want to get out of this apathy that they live in. So that God can use me to speak his life into them. I guess I just hope that he does in some way, even if I mess up, and that I can be given the humbleness of heart to go back and fix it when I mess up. I have done it a few times and it’s harder than with my peers. But it’s a good lesson. Oh that humble pie.