Ramblings: with a hint of honesty

The blogging world definitely seems to slow down in the summer. Like molasses on a -40'C day. But I guess that means that people are out in the sun and enjoying life rather than sitting at work or in some computer lab desperately trying to find some humour or thoughtfulness in life. I'm not really sure why, but I'm guessing that it's just because it's summer.

I won't be contributing much myself this summer because I'm off to camp again. 12 hour drive tomorrow but thanks to dave hengen I will have a sweet mix CD, specifically for driving through the mountains. So that is exciting. i also have four trans-canada music day CD's and I promise that mine will be sent tomorrow before I leave guys. Sorry I've been so slow on this.

I'm actually looking forward to the long drive. I used to drive a whole bunch last year, like being away two weekends out of every month. And I got to liking it. I got to enjoy the time alone, the time to think, the time to scream at the top of my lungs or to pray or to just not say anything.  I'm sure I will be an overly friendly customer at some gas station seven hours into the trip, desperate for someone to talk to but I'm looking forward to a chance to sort through things in my mind, see some beautiful countryside and just be with me.

Before I left for my first camp I had this epiphany that I hadn't been alone (other than when i was sleeping) for almost 3 months. And in all reality it's nearly impossible to be alone in my house or in my world. There are still people in this house when I am sleeping and living in a city you are always near someone. It's almost claustrophobic inducing if you think about it too long. And so a little time alone before I embark on my next adventure will be nice.

I'm feeling weird about going, in an open and honest blog confession. I'm not worried about how much work to do or if I will be able to do the work, but I am worried about fitting in. Isn't that ridiculous. I haven't worried about fitting in in a long time. I think I have always pictured Young Life people being super hip and awesome, with the coolest clothes and piercing and haircuts and look you know? I'm not quite like that because I really don't have any idea how to look pretty cool. While others in jr.high were figuring out how to dress....I was trying to make sure that no one could categorize me by my clothes. I didn't want to be a punk or skater or prep or jock or whatever, and so I wore weird clothes, ones that no one else would wear. And thus....in my attempt for independence.....I missed out on the "how to be cool" lessons that were being given out on weekends and such, and I missed out on the every important "how to do makeup" lessons that were given out on weekend nights. Hanging out with a bunch of boys didn't help much.

Anyway, i know that it doesn't matter if I fit in and perhaps this will be my chance to be an outsider again and remember what that feels like. and perhaps it will be good chance to bring in some other people on the outside. And I need to remember that I'm going to camp to work not to be super cool. But alas...it still sits in my brain.
And for the most part I'm okay with not being the super, hippest person I know. And it's awful of me to think that these people will be weird or exclusive. I'm sure they're great people looking to have a lot of fun. I just wish I knew some of them before I went because I don't even have Young Life as a common thing with them.

BUT....good news....i'm bringing my Death Cab Hoodie. And if they don't like Death Cab...well then...I don't want anything to do with them. Oh Death Cab....don't fail me now.

okay, no more insecurities. off to be bold and courageous. be well my 2 readers (as jon fairbridge once said about my blog) and i look forward to seeing how this turns out.

shalom