THROW OUT YOUR HINGES

Have you ever had one of those days where all the doors seem to be hinged or hung the wrong way? i do not claim to know anything about the construction of doors because I am not a carpenter or a door-hanger (that's probably the techinical name for those people). However, there are those days where it seems that every door you go through is backwards or different from any other door you have ever seen or even experienced earlier that same day. Or there are two doors and one is locked in place and for some reason you choose the "locked in place" door over the other one.

Let's imagine a hypothetical situation: You have visited a local Blockbuster (let's say)and attempt to quietly leave the video store without drawing too much attention to yourself. But a movie poster with Ben Kingsley catches your eye and you are not focused on the door anymore. And you are caught wondering what the name of Ben Kingsley's character is in "Sneakers" and if Robert Redford is still around and how someone said he is a "nicely aged steak" and how you convinced friend A that Robert Redford was infact the father of friend B and they believed you. And while you are congratulating yourself on such a brilliant trick you lean into the door with all the confidence one could have. But does the door open? NO, of course not. and you run right into the glass door and the quiet video store is awakened by the idiot that chose the wrong door to exit by. And while you curse Ben Kingsley's name under you breath, you choose the other door and exit.

There is a scene in "Pure Luck" where they set up a boardroom with 30 chairs in it and on one chair they remove one of the legs and carefully balance it so it looks like all the others. Martin Short walks in and out of all the chairs he chooses the one with only three legs. Sometimes I wonder if I was in a room full of double doors, i would inevitably choose the door that is locked in place rather than the door that is open.

Now, I often like to blame my inability to do things on the fact that I am a left hander living in right hander world. (i feel a song coming on. a perfect moment for a musical to erupt out of nowhere in the middle of my post. The people around me begin to move in time and then perform perfectly syncrozized dance sequences although they are strangers. and then I get to join in with the song that I strangely know for no apparent reason and everything around moves in perfect harmony for a moment. sigh. to live in a musical)

So here is my suggestion, we get rid of doors. just have those strings of plastic beads from the sixties to divide rooms. I would even be willing to use thick curtains for more privacy. Or maybe even japanese style of movable walls rather than doors. See at least with those you can obviously see which way the wall should move. What are those walls called anyways?

But anyway, maybe it is because I'm left handed but seriously.....what is up with these sorts of days.