Like most people around the holidays, I watched a Christmas movie. "White Christmas" to be specific. White Christmas is probably one of my all time favorite movies. It's true, I enjoy movies where everyone suddenly knows the song or dance steps and where romantic lovely things happen. I am a hopeless romantic, deep deep inside.
There is a song in White Christmas called "The Best Things" and it talks about dancing and romance and lovely things like that. And it made me wonder what has happened to romance. I stopped watching these sorts of movies about a year ago because I thought perhaps they were causing me to have higher expectations of life and love and boyfriends and relationships. But as I watch them I realized that there is truly something beautiful about these stories, no matter how high and lofty they are. plus watching them helps something to grow inside me to hope for romance or have faith in it again.
but here is the question: what has happened to romance? was there actually a time in life when men wooed women with dates, surprises, and the like? the pursual and chase? or were these movies larger than life in the 50's as well? i know that times change and things are different but did these times exist? the jane austen world or were things just as complicated and confusing back then?
is it ridiculous to hope for these things? do boys find it to be too much pressure to have these expectations?
of course i understand that girls want romance from boys they actually like not just from any boy. and boys do not want to be rejected by girls after putting in all that effort.
i have experienced romance in my lifetime and recognize that it does happen but in general it seems that there is a general lack of romance in the world. 1950's musical romance. weird christmas thoughts i know.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
sigh
it's warm here. there are palm trees. i'm more freckled. swam in the pool outside today. had a hot tub at night and slowly walked back to our place. bike riding with my little sister. arizona sunsets. glad to be away. enjoying the break. end post now.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
brains with a hint of honesty
i need a latch for my brain where i can remove it from my head and rest it somewhere else for a while. you see i tend to analyze and analyze things and they just go around and around in my brain. relational situations with people have such a strong effect on me, and most of the time I can't even figure out why they effect me like they do. people tell me to just stop thinking about it but sometimes i just can't make my brain stop. i try and do well for a while and then i get tired and give up and the thoughts flood my brain.
so my new solution is that i will just remove my brain, place it in a jar, perhaps add a lemon for freshness, maybe get a creepy light to put underneath it. and there it will rest. i can reply on my medula oblongata for a while, just breathing and heart beat for me. no thoughts. no more thinking.
i leave for arizona in three days and I don't remember the last time i felt so in need of a get away, or the last time I felt so excited to step away from edmonton for a bit. in the words of bilbo "I feel thin— sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday, a very long holiday and I don't expect to return, in fact I mean not to." now, don't worry my two readers, i will be back.
it's frustrating not being able to sort things out or heal situations. i wish i could and i think that's why i think about them so much because i figure there has to be a way to make these things all better soon. why do things have to take time and space? hmmm? i know that's the right answer, just frustrating sometimes.
but.....i think in arizona people don't have brains and I'm excited to experience this wonder just for a bit. and then when I come back I can put my brain back in and see what it has sorted out while I've been gone.
now are things as bad as they seem. probably not. there's that line from Rosie Thomas "Things will soon come around I swear, And you'’ll have it all figured out, Never really worry for a bit , Sometimes it feels worse then it really is"
But if you're feeling like me, let's both try and keep these words of Jesus on our hearts,
"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29
so my new solution is that i will just remove my brain, place it in a jar, perhaps add a lemon for freshness, maybe get a creepy light to put underneath it. and there it will rest. i can reply on my medula oblongata for a while, just breathing and heart beat for me. no thoughts. no more thinking.
i leave for arizona in three days and I don't remember the last time i felt so in need of a get away, or the last time I felt so excited to step away from edmonton for a bit. in the words of bilbo "I feel thin— sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday, a very long holiday and I don't expect to return, in fact I mean not to." now, don't worry my two readers, i will be back.
it's frustrating not being able to sort things out or heal situations. i wish i could and i think that's why i think about them so much because i figure there has to be a way to make these things all better soon. why do things have to take time and space? hmmm? i know that's the right answer, just frustrating sometimes.
but.....i think in arizona people don't have brains and I'm excited to experience this wonder just for a bit. and then when I come back I can put my brain back in and see what it has sorted out while I've been gone.
now are things as bad as they seem. probably not. there's that line from Rosie Thomas "Things will soon come around I swear, And you'’ll have it all figured out, Never really worry for a bit , Sometimes it feels worse then it really is"
But if you're feeling like me, let's both try and keep these words of Jesus on our hearts,
"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29
Friday, December 1, 2006
Scrubs
Ahhh scrubs. what a funny show. season premier last night after The Office. Definitely enjoyed it. although i was confused as to where the musical episode went last night.
Anyway....
The janitor was talking with one of the patients last night about getting JD.
Patient: "you see the problem with trying to get my JD is that I never got to do any of those things I wanted to do in life. "
Janitor: "like punching a whale?"
Patient: "no, i punched a whale. punched him right in the face."
pure gold. whale punching...does it get any better than that?
does anyone know if the janitor has an actual name or not?
peace
Anyway....
The janitor was talking with one of the patients last night about getting JD.
Patient: "you see the problem with trying to get my JD is that I never got to do any of those things I wanted to do in life. "
Janitor: "like punching a whale?"
Patient: "no, i punched a whale. punched him right in the face."
pure gold. whale punching...does it get any better than that?
does anyone know if the janitor has an actual name or not?
peace
Friday, November 24, 2006
Lights go out
I turned the lights out in my kitchen to signal the end of the day in this house. I like shutting the lights off and then blindly searching my way to my room, one last thrill before i call it a day i guess.
i went to see my friend Simon play at a coffee shop tonight. and his music made me feel alive. it reminded me of how wonderful playing and performing music can be, it reminded me of what an awesome feeling it is to express something in song, to move people with your voice. it reminded me that playing music could be fun and meaningful, and over the past four or five years I had forgotten that. music had become this awful thing filled with stress and inadequacy. and as i watched him play i thought, "i could never be as good at guitar as he is, i could never say something as eloquently as he did just there." and then after a while i thought....maybe it doesn't matter. maybe the only thing that matters is that i just play, that i just express all the things inside of me for no other reason than to just play.
it was strange to think that it didn't matter if someone was better than me or not. i think for the last four years I have been in the mindset that if i can't do it really well or better or at least the same as someone else, then there is no point in playing. but maybe...just maybe it doesn't matter. at one point in my life i just wanted to play, i enjoyed the rush of performing and the feeling of really nailing a piece of music.
i'm not done in this thought process and it didn't make all these things i have associated with music go away. but his music made me feel alive, reminded me of joy in the past and maybe me think that maybe i could enjoy playing music again. tonight was significant for me and so i thought it worthy of a blog post.
thanks simon. and thanks to God for bringing up these pleasant memories of days gone past.
i went to see my friend Simon play at a coffee shop tonight. and his music made me feel alive. it reminded me of how wonderful playing and performing music can be, it reminded me of what an awesome feeling it is to express something in song, to move people with your voice. it reminded me that playing music could be fun and meaningful, and over the past four or five years I had forgotten that. music had become this awful thing filled with stress and inadequacy. and as i watched him play i thought, "i could never be as good at guitar as he is, i could never say something as eloquently as he did just there." and then after a while i thought....maybe it doesn't matter. maybe the only thing that matters is that i just play, that i just express all the things inside of me for no other reason than to just play.
it was strange to think that it didn't matter if someone was better than me or not. i think for the last four years I have been in the mindset that if i can't do it really well or better or at least the same as someone else, then there is no point in playing. but maybe...just maybe it doesn't matter. at one point in my life i just wanted to play, i enjoyed the rush of performing and the feeling of really nailing a piece of music.
i'm not done in this thought process and it didn't make all these things i have associated with music go away. but his music made me feel alive, reminded me of joy in the past and maybe me think that maybe i could enjoy playing music again. tonight was significant for me and so i thought it worthy of a blog post.
thanks simon. and thanks to God for bringing up these pleasant memories of days gone past.
Monday, November 20, 2006
You know you live in Techonological age when....
Today in the computer lab some students were bugging each other and the culminating ultimate "burn" (as the whole class said) was,
"Yeah, well your internet at home is probably dial-up."
"Yeah, well your internet at home is probably dial-up."
Rain
We watched a Nooma video entitled Rain last night at Focus. I really love those videos, I mean partly because Rob Bell is in them but also because they tell great stories.
The Rain story was about a dad and his baby boy that get caught in the rain while on a hike. The dad pulls his hood up on himself and the baby but the baby pulls his hood off. And as the rain gets stronger and the winds blow harder the baby begins to scream and scream. Until his dad takes his out of the baby back-pack and hold the baby tight to his chest and starts saying over and over and over again, "I love you buddy. We're gonna make it. Daddy knows the way home."
And he just tells the kid over and over and over again, holding him as tight as he can and running as fast as he can out of the storm. You need to see the video because I definitely don't do it justice here but that picture of God holding us tight and repeatedly saying to us, "I love you. We're going to make it. Daddy knows the way home." it was so much of what I needed to hear. An image i needed burned into my brain. Remembering that God does indeed hear the cry of his people and if holding us close bringing us through this time. And he delights in being able to carry us through that.
It was what i needed to hear last night. I'm thankful I went. I'm thankful that those Focus people that put on the service. i'm thankful that we serve a God worthy of our praise and big enough to sort things out. I woke up this morning feeling very thankful, thankful for the sunrise and thankful for coke that I will consume shortly to keep me awake today.
The Rain story was about a dad and his baby boy that get caught in the rain while on a hike. The dad pulls his hood up on himself and the baby but the baby pulls his hood off. And as the rain gets stronger and the winds blow harder the baby begins to scream and scream. Until his dad takes his out of the baby back-pack and hold the baby tight to his chest and starts saying over and over and over again, "I love you buddy. We're gonna make it. Daddy knows the way home."
And he just tells the kid over and over and over again, holding him as tight as he can and running as fast as he can out of the storm. You need to see the video because I definitely don't do it justice here but that picture of God holding us tight and repeatedly saying to us, "I love you. We're going to make it. Daddy knows the way home." it was so much of what I needed to hear. An image i needed burned into my brain. Remembering that God does indeed hear the cry of his people and if holding us close bringing us through this time. And he delights in being able to carry us through that.
It was what i needed to hear last night. I'm thankful I went. I'm thankful that those Focus people that put on the service. i'm thankful that we serve a God worthy of our praise and big enough to sort things out. I woke up this morning feeling very thankful, thankful for the sunrise and thankful for coke that I will consume shortly to keep me awake today.
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